Spirit: How To Be Single
I have been a single lady for quite some time now; let’s just say years (yes plural). Before I became the fit veggie girl you see today I was the relationship QUEEN. I stayed with a boo. Since turning a teenager all the way until my adult life, I always had someone. That is over 13 years of being a “we.” I was the over achieving girlfriend; being an overachiever worked in my business life, but not in my personal life. Always giving 110% while my partner gave 50% got really old; not to mention it was a hell of my own making. After years of the push and the pull, the tears and the drama I had to just sit down. I even became an over achieving single dater; always manipulating, planning and working behind the scenes to snag the boys I thought I liked. That was when God told me to sit ALL the way down.
I was so focused over feeding my love life that the other areas of my life where bone dry. I had no fruit professionally or spiritually. I hadn’t even begun to understand the purpose of my life. I was so worried about feeding my love life that I over fed it and it drowned. I had to back off, and that was so HARD! In our busy microwave society it is hard to be solo. Everyone is so focused on getting somebody, keeping somebody, breaking up with somebody and then looking for the next somebody. We now have love at our finger tips. Social media and dating websites make it easy to be on to the next one while sitting next to the old one. We are so busy and unfocused that by the time we look up and know who we really are it is 10 years later plus one divorce and two kids.
I needed to stop. I needed to find out who I was without someone else. I needed to clean out all the old baggage that I kept schlepping from person to person. My baggage took the form of expectations. “Well I need you to be affectionate because that is what I am used to” or “Where is this relationship going because I don’t have time to waste.” I was tired from lugging all that around for years. I learned to be by myself. I don’t know why I had dreaded it, because I am a pretty cool person to spend time with. For the first time in my life I was able to think, without wondering what someone else was doing. I was a like a diamond in the rough and I needed time to be dusted off. I began to understand what my worth was as a person not just as a girlfriend. I became an athlete, cook, writer and volunteer. I had no clue I was so amazing.
Now looking at where I am today, I am astonished. I am so thankful that I didn’t settle while I was my old self because that person wouldn’t have fit my best self. I am so thankful for my close relationship with God and for the discernment, wisdom and knowledge he has given me. Honestly this period of “sitting down” has gone longer then I initially thought; however, it is not about my time but God’s time. Even when I try to do little things to speed the process along my plans always fail. So when the time is right and this season is over, someone will know me and recognize me as wife and I won’t have to lift a finger.
Don’t pay attention to the fear and urgency that society puts on us to find someone. What God has for you is for YOU! Are you in a season of singleness? Have you always dated someone your whole life? What have you learned while being single? Share your thoughts and comments.
Paparoxi | tagged Christ, God, alone, changing your life, dating, healthy living, married, relationships, single, social media, steps 
Reader Comments (7)
I completely agree with you!!! I began dating as a teen and was always in relationships. The last relationship I was in lasted almost 3 years and the guy I dated was a Christian but just because he was a man of God didnt mean he was the man of God for me! My whole life I had believed that I needed to be in a relationship in order to feel complete. But after the harsh end of my last relationship I felt God asking me to make a covenant to not date for a year and not to look for any type of romantic relationship at all! Initially I refused, but here I am with a month left of this promise I made with God. No lie it was rough... after depending on man for so long I was finally putting my hope, love, and joy in God. I have learned that NO MAN WILL EVER COMPLETE ME..whoever my husband is will complement me and vice versa!
Wow Sonia! Thank you so much for sharing, you are so right. I am glad you found peace and God empowered you to be strong. Many Blessings to you sis.
This post is SO on point. I completely identify and relate to ALL the sentiments. You can't rush what God has in store. I definitely have felt the need to step away from dating, for real, and focus on self. Because the ONE can't be rushed or made. While focusing on changing and being a better you, you are just opening up to all the blessings HE has in store. I dated the same guy from HS all through college, so being single and even dating was new .. and sort of had certain expectations.. It takes awhile to lose the desire to want to be in a relationship ... so yeah. its been yearS .. but I'm no longer sad about it
This post came at just the right time. I'm 21, have never had a boyfriend, am from a small town and just moved to NYC. When I look at facebook at all of the people I went to high school with I see that my news feed is inundated with engagements. When I'm out and about in the city I feel good, I feel that I am on the way to becoming my best self. The juxtaposition of my soonly wedded friends and my single city self gets overwhelming sometimes. Being reaffirmed to keep doing as I am just steadied my wavering convictions.
Loved this article. This is where I'm trying to be right now. At peace with bettering my relationship with GOD and working on becoming my best self. It's hard when everyone around you is with somebody or asking when will you find a man. Right now I have areas in my life that I'm trying to focus on and right now that is my goal. I would love to be in a relationship (it's easy to be in a relationship but I want a meaningful one that will lead to marriage) so I'm waiting on the man GOD has for me, and will just work on me. Like you said when I got in HIS way I failed it's just best for me to sit down and let HIM lead. Great article thx.
This article was everything I've been trying to say but couldn't find the words. Thank you! Such an eye opener. I've been feeling this way since my last relationship. I wanted out. I wanted change. I wanted more. But what? I wanted to discover me. I'm still on that journey and you can't be fully into yourself when your concentration is on someone else.
Just discovered your blog and this post is all kinds of great! You write with an awesome sense of transparency that is such a blessing to read. I can understand exactly what you mean about being impatient, trying to do things your own way and being told to "sit down" by God, lol. Your encouragement has definitely blessed me today.