Single Person's Truth: Dating & Marriage

In today’s world we have an abundance of advice about finding the “One” flying at us from all corners. Books like Think Like a Man, Why Men Marry Bitches and He’s Just not that into you; claim to have all the dating answers and tools you’ll need to get married.  Mind you I have read and own all of those books and at some point in my dating life I have sabotaged a relationship and or given myself a migraine trying to implement all this advice. However, in all of our human wisdom we still can’t seem to get it right. We look to other humans and their personal truths on fulfilling a companionship desire that was given to us by God. We look to Jay-Z & Beyoncé or Barack & Michelle to teach us how to love instead of looking to God. We allow anyone to speak into our single lives and we become walking clones of human mistakes instead of shining vessels of God’s glory.

God hears our prayers! He knows we have been walking with him and praying for a mate, he knows that we have not been held or spooned in many months if not years and he knows that we want LOVE and human connection. However, God is not going to bless us until we completely surrender. And you may be thinking “Girl I surrendered my love life to God years ago” but God gives us a look at what the manifestation of surrendering looks like in Genesis 2:22-23.

“Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib” Wait for a minute, pause. So, God makes wives? He molds us, sharpens us, breaks us and turns us into wives. So how can we allow God to make us into a wife for a God given man if we don’t spend time with God? The making is not going to happen in passing as we go from work, the gym and social gatherings. The making happens in that one on one personal time we spend with God and through a relationship with Christ. That making happens when we start passing the test God throws at us. Making is not done by personal trainers, beauticians or taking love advice from Stevie Harvey and all the other popular relationship gurus. Making is personal and it takes time. Most importantly we cannot make ourselves. One of my favorite speakers and teachers Rev. Thursell Watts said “We shape ourselves to be a rib for the wannabe Adams, then when the real Adam shows up he doesn’t even recognize us.” Stop working so hard and just BE. Let God do the work, we just need to spend the time and allow ourselves to be made.

The second thing the scripture says is “And he brought her to the man.” How powerful is that?! So God presents us to our Adam. So I don’t have to go online and search hundreds of profiles to find him? You mean I don’t have to go to happy hour scouting out potential prospects? You mean I don’t have to fill his ear on the first date with how fly I am? You mean I don’t have to like and comment on every one of his Facebook post? You mean I don’t have to slave and cook him 5 course meals to show how I would be a great wife? Yes that is exactly what I mean. God will do the presenting, he made you and he will show off his master piece to the right and perfect Man for you.

Lastly, and the most exciting thing, and the point where I bust out laughing with joy while reading my bible was Man’s reaction: “AT LAST, the man exclaimed! This ONE is bone of my bone.” So wait a minute; Man was excited when Woman was presented to him? Man claimed her and changed his Facebook status to “in a relationship with Woman.” Man was not second guessing or weighing his options or looking for other help mates.

The truth is that God’s plan for our love lives is quite simple. The wisdom and truth for being with the person our heart desires is found in a few short lines in Genesis 2:22-23 not in a whole book of finite human wisdom based on years of trial and error. The real answer to what we should do is found by seeking God. Have faith, surrender and allow God to make you. For men allow God to open your eyes so you can recognize your rib. Give your hear t to God and allow him to shape and mold you into the vessel he has called you to be.

What are your thoughts? Feel free to share and comment.

Stay up to date: Subscribe, Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram: Paparoxi, Twitter. 

Join the #5AMClub

Hey! I know I have been a little MIA for a minute but I just needed to settle a little bit into this new season of my life. I actually got a promotion and I have been traveling and just continuing to be inspired. The beginning of February when my life got really hectic I started to realize the only way I would have time with God and time to myself was if I got up at 5AM and made it all happen. This was the birth of the #5AMClub. The Time I spent in the dawn hours praying, journaling and spending time with God as well as me time at the gym getting healthier. I can’t explain how my life has changed so much for the better by starting my days off with this practice. Nothing quite sets the tone to your day like enriching your mind, body and most importantly your spirit.

Through #5AMClub I realized that I am filled with more joy daily, I greet my coworkers with so much energy and I struggle less with doing the right thing because I have already invited the spirit of God into my life early in the morning. I don’t know about you but I have to die daily to many of the behaviors and speech I am asking God to change about me.

Becoming a 5AM’er has not been easy. To be honest I have wanted to be a 5AM’er for years. I struggled so often when my alarm went off- I would press snooze. I prayed to God for months and it was my only New Year’s goal; being able to wake up at dawn. God really blessed me with the grace and energy to live out that goal and he can do the same for you! Since I have gotten the hang of things I thought I would share the love and inspiration. I know schedules and life can be demanding but setting a daily time aside is so crucial to success. What ‘s encouraging is that some of the most successful people in the world all have said they take the time daily to pray and enrich their lives early in the morning; it becomes a habit.

So I challenge you today to join the #5AMClub! You can subscribe for updates here. Also stay up to date with daily scriptures and work out inspiration via instagram: Paparoxi or tumblr. 

Change Hurts, But Hold On!

As a woman of faith I often find myself having very candid conversations with God. In the beginning they were more like one sided arguments and pity parties. However, the more I found out about the nature of God the more our conversations progressed. Little by little I started to notice small changes in my life. God pointing me to do this and telling me to stay away from that; walking as he patiently guided my footsteps. I almost never have suddenly moments with God he has always brings me through. People talk about overnight miracles well that most definitely is not me. Sometimes I get really frustrated with that; seeing so many people in my life get blessed with things I have been praying for, for years. It gets really rough, but tonight God reminded me that change hurts.

In almost every uncomfortable situation I have been in, I have always grown. Looking back I always prayed for God to deliver me from the hard stuff immediately but he chose to bring me through. I had to be in those moments to become myself. I had to go through the hurt of losing someone to make me compassionate to those people going through the same. I had to be broke and penny less in order to understand how to invest and save. I had to be sick and unhealthy in order to value my life and the temple in which I dwell. I had to die in order to really live; and more importantly to teach and inspire others around me to do the same.

Life happens in the ugly, hard and tearful moments. Times when we think we can’t take it another day; that is when life happens. We change and grow through the ugliness and hurt; that faith we carry through the hard times becomes the foundation of our joy. We not only see ourselves for who we truly are but we see God for who he truly is.

 I think often of the things I could do to speed up the process of waiting on God and to hurry the change. I am sure people wonder why I have not made it to certain milestones in my life. For instance so many people have been reminding me of my singleness lately, even people I would have never expected. “You’re so pretty and smart, did you ever think of dating (insert random guy’s name)?” It is hard to explain to people the concept of waiting on God and patience it takes when God is really ordering your life. It’s hard not to cave into the culture we live in and the demands of family and friends but there is a better way.

I’ve already lived the life of trying to satisfy the world’s expectations, and it is not a fun existence. I did it for many years chasing after this job, following after this man, holding on to false ideologies and at the end of it all I was left more hopeless and depressed than when I started. Yes now my steps are ordered by God but I wake up every day with an extra pep in my step, I genuinely have so much love in my heart it hurts, the peace I have is indescribable and I glow with the love of God.

I know that times get hard but HOLD ON! Be encouraged. There is a reason that you are there. Embrace being molded and broken right now. God loves you. Become a student of your life, take in the lessons that the hard times bring and think daily about what God is trying to teach you through your circumstances.

Are you going through a hard time? Is it hard to follow God’s lead for your life? Have you successfully made it to another mountain top? Share your success, trial and encouragement. 

My Resolve Manifesto

This year...

I resolve to work earnestly toward my dream .I resolve to not care what people think about who I am or the choices I make. I resolve to not answer the question “What do you do for a living” because if I said what I am doing they would not understand. I resolve to answer the question “Why are you single?” with a blank stare. I resolve to do more of what I love and less of what other people would love for me to do. I resolve to change the world by the way that I live and not by what I say.

This year...

I resolve to LOVE people regardless of whether I know them or not, but love them just because we are here on earth together. I resolve to dance more often with or without music. I resolve to get away more, build more tents and gaze at more views.

This year...

I resolve that I am different, I don't fit in, no one truly gets me and I think God made it that way so I would learn to solely trust in him. I resolve to not engage false company, life is too short. I resolve not to jump into a box full of labels just to make someone feel comfortable with who I am. I resolve to not diminish myself; YES I am as great as they think and NO I will not apologize for it.

This year...

I resolve to be even more awesome then I was last year so if I wasn't liked then, BRACE yourself! I resolve not to apologize for my love of Jesus, it is through him that I am so amazing and his love that has helped me overcome, if that makes someone feel uncomfortable maybe they should stick around this site a little longer and find out why. I resolve to shake off all the self-inflicted expectations of this this world, people and society and just LIVE.

This year I resolve to be GREAT.

Spirit: I was a victim

I spent a good portion of my late teens and early twenties being hurt. I was heart broken by relationships and choices that I had made. I didn't understand why life was treating me so unfairly. I was mad at my boyfriends, parents and environment for not living up to my expectations. It was easy for me to maintain a perfection persona, if I allowed myself to be the victim of my circumstances. I wore the mask of perfection for many years but I only fooled myself. I willingly made choices that put me in circumstances where I felt as if I was a victim. I choose my friends, I maintained relationships with men that were less than ideal and I choose not to work hard enough for my goals. It was me. In order to heal I couldn't continue to blame someone for breaking my heart, I had to take responsibility for breaking my own. Its human nature to go into defense mode after we have been wounded. We say things such as:

 “He hurt me”

“She lied to me”

“I could never trust them”

“They wouldn't accept me”

However, we have to recognize the part we play in our victimization. The root cause of the problem lies in the esteem we have for ourselves. Do we believe that we are great and wonderful people? Or do we just accept what is handed to us? For so long I operated from the bottom up. I took the scraps, I was happy to receive minimal treatment from people. I couldn't articulate beyond my appearance why I was a worthy human being. That was because I found my worth in people and things instead of my God given qualities. It took a serious and purposeful series of investments in myself to bring out the self worth I now have today. Those investments included getting healthy, spending time volunteering and building a relationship with God. It was only when I removed the mirror of my worth from men and people and put it in the hands of my creator in whose image I was made in.

When we realize how beautiful, talented, special, healthy and wonderful we truly are we don't open the door to allow people to crap all over our lives, thus we don't become victims. When we understand and value our worth and we wont just let anyone come in and take that from us. God gives us discernment about people and situations that will compromise the strength and the love within us. No one is perfect and we sometimes fail and let the wrong person in, but just like cheating on a diet we have to take that responsibility. We can't be so willing to become victims for the sake of our egos.

Let's tap into a higher consciousness of our self worth and take responsibility for our destiny!

Share you thoughts. Have you ever played the victim like me? How were you able to find your inner strength and talents? What challenges do you have with letting people in your life?